She woke to a gentle pitter-patter of rain on her bedroom window. A veil of silver-grey clouds covered the sky hiding the sun above. She glanced at the watch sitting on her bedside table; it was already 10:30. She had gotten used to the idea of waking up to the sound of her physician knocking on her bedroom door. He always knocked three times before
|The Silent Love by Umer Hassam|
calling out her name. But today there was no knock on the door... No one to call her name... She felt her heart sink a little as she realized that he might not come at all. She had grown accustomed to meeting her physician first thing every morning. Sitting up, slowly, she saw the puddles of water through her window, rippling in the rain, restless and shimmering, hinting that it had been raining for a long time. The rain always made her feel comfortable but today even the rain betrayed her, the sound made her un-easy as if the rain was to blame. She didn't understand why it upset her so much, he wasnâ€™t obligated to visit her every day, conflicted in her feelings she tried to justify her emotions: Perhaps it was only because she had grown accustomed to it, a habit once formed isnâ€™t easily reformed so she decided to distract herself with something to do, but she didnâ€™t have a clue what to. She sat there staring out deep into the small puddles that had formed near the roads, her mind was completely blank, she didn't want to get up, she didn't want to go back to sleep she just wanted to cry, her heart had filled up with emotion that she herself didn't understand. That's when she heard a knock on the main door and a glimmer of smile appeared on her face. She could hear the door open and a little while later footsteps climbing up the stairs and finally the knock she had been waiting for, she quickly replied with "yes" that she completely regretted a second later, she wanted to wait until he called out for her, she wished she could get a second chance but the door cracked open and a young gentleman dressed in a black and white suit stepped in, "Your up early today" he said smiling at her, she felt so relieved just looking at him it was as if her day had finally began. "Nope, you're late" she playfully complained. "Yeah" he said scratching his head "my car gave up on me" smiling awkwardly he fetched a chair from near the door and put it closer to her bed, she kept looking at him with a silent smile on her face, "And how are you feeling today?" He asked sitting down besides her. "Just like I was yesterday, I told you I'm absolutely fine now" the smile she had been lost in since he had stepped in fainted a little as she realized what she just said. "Oh no, you can't get rid of me that easy" he said playfully "not until you're completely back to normal" "That's not what I meant" she quickly corrected herself, lowering her gaze down to her hands that had been curled up in her lap this whole time "I don't want you to stop visiting me" her face had completely turned red. She had no idea what to say after that, why would her mind turn a blank when she needed it the most. "Well I know you'll be good as new in no time... Then I won't have any reason to" he said it with a smile, so calmly, without hesitation as if the past few months meant nothing, it absolutely shattered her heart; She wanted to scream her heart out at him but all she could do was put on a fake smile and accept the bitter truth. She wished nothing more than to have met him under some other circumstances, some other place, some other life... Maybe then... Maybe... they could have gotten to know each other better, maybe she could have told him how she felt... Maybe. "Any progress on remembering your past life" the doctor still carried a smile but for some reason she couldn't help but feel as if was a fake one. "Noâ€¦ I can't see anything" her smile had completely disappeared. She looked up at him again and said, "It's as if my life began the day I woke up in that hospital. As if I lost 10 years of my life in that accident." She could see the doctor struggling to keep his smile as if he could feel all the pain inside her heart. "You shouldn't worry yourself so much... These things take time. I know you'll remember everything eventually." "I wish there was an easier way,â€ she said almost whispering to herself. "Hey, look at me" he demanded, " You should be thankful you're ok after such an awful experience." He said struggling to bring her smile back. But before she could answer he almost jumped in his seat motioning her to wait: "oh my god I completely forgot" she couldn't help but chuckle as he struggled to open his briefcase. "What are you looking for doctor?â€ "I thought I told you to call me Ivan, I don't like all this formality." "Ok" she said, "what are you looking for Ivan." "My super secret weapon that is sure to cheer you up" he said in his evil genius voice. "Really?" She said giggling, amused at how scattered he looked fiddling with his briefcase. "How do you open this damn thing?â€ he whispered in a very annoyed grunt quickly followed by a loud "Ahaaâ€¦" as the briefcase snapped open. By now she was laughing her heart out, his shenanigans had managed to make her laugh even before he could get into his briefcase. "Here" he said as he pulled out a box of chocolates. She looked at him laughing and said, "This is your super secret weapon?" "Yup, I know how much you love Swiss chocolate" She quickly snatched the box out of his hand "oh my god, is this the green's box" her face had lit up as she pulled the flap open and picked one of the pieces before raising the box back to Ivan so he could have one. After that they just kept talking and talking; she told him about the visit from her old friends last night and how she felt so bad for not even remembering a single thing from all the years of their friendship, she told him about the stories her friends told her about all the fun times they have had together and how she faintly remembered but still couldn't piece anything together. They spoke and laughed and completely lost themselves in each other's company and before they knew it, it was already time for Ivan to go. He could only stay with her for an hour and yet that hour meant more to her than the entire day. She made him promise to come back tomorrow and not be late next time. He smiled and told her he won't picking up his briefcase he told her to take care of herself to which she playfully replied "I will if you bring more chocolate" he left her smiling and walked out the door. Downstairs, Fionaâ€™s mother handed Ivan a glass of orange juice before he could run out the door. "I am a little late" he said trying to excuse himself but she quickly turned him down with a "It will only take a minute" So he sat down on the couch reluctantly waiting to hear the same words he heard everyday: "You shouldn't do this to her" she continued. He could feel the concern in her voice. "You know I'm doing this for her" he retaliated. "She deserves to know the truth" her mother tried to reason as she did everyday. "Sometimes truth needs to wait, sometimes you have to start over again, sometimes you have to struggle to hold on to your own world, life isn't fair but I'm not about to give up on her..." "I'm not asking you to" she cut him off raising her voice in frustration "I just want her to be happy" "Do you think she'd be happy if I told her who her husband was even though she doesn't even remember getting married." He said grunting, it had almost turned into a fight. "Why don't you let her decide that" she came straight back at him. He knew this wasn't going to lead anywhere. He didn't have the stamina to continue with the same routine again so he placed the glass on the table in front of him, picked up his briefcase and got up, he looked down at her and said: "We fell in love... that's why I married her. I won't let anyone, not even fate, take that away from me. I'd rather go through it all again than have a wife that doesn't remember she loves me."